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Jun. 17th, 2013 @ 05:31 pm Feeling a bit down
I've realized the degree of my loneliness. I was disowned by most of my family at a young age over a diagnoses, I had a really low self esteem and was unable to hold on to any type of friends. Any of the friends I had where "resources" to my enjoyment, but never really stuck around.
I am trying to be friends with an ex right now that has lots of friends and family that communicate with him. We do talk about it, but I feel like its  all we ever talk about sometimes and might be a weight on the friendship.
I am at a point where I have started to have more control in my life and take better care of myself. I often find myself looking through my contacts, some I have not talked to in years. I just end up reminding myself why I don't talk to them anymore so I just try to find a fresh start. So because of that I am meeting new people, most of them I seem to not see much of again. I have found this mostly with 1 time events or drop in classes. So I have been planning on going to more regular things. Its hard with this time of year, all leagues and teams have started and since its summer no classes in the community are running.
Anyone I meet lately seems to not be very reliable. I remember from past experiences that it takes time to make friends that will get in touch with you and hang out with you, maybe this will hold true to my current situation. I just have to have patience and keep going I suppose.
I want to know sometimes what he is up to, but it depresses me to hear about someone's life where they have so many people that care about them while I don't. Its not jealousy but more of a sadness. It does not bother me to meet new people, I have realized that people are generally good but just picky within their own conditions. It's just, I wish I had someone I knew that I could hang out with that I have known someone besides my ex. Cause for personal reasons we need our own lives and space. I need someone familiar not brand new sometimes.
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tree, photograph, cell phone
Jun. 6th, 2013 @ 06:15 pm So i'm back..
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: relaxedrelaxed
Current Music: Millennium tv show
here to find some interesting conversation, to contribute and maybe meet some new people. Anyways that is all for now, later!
About this Entry
tree, photograph, cell phone
Jun. 16th, 2010 @ 01:27 pm My first ever post : Hobbies
Current Location: home
Current Mood: social
Current Music: mad tv
So i'm not sure how this live journal works exactly except for the point of writing something that sounds interesting to others instead of just and only yourself. I had one of these accounts when i was a teen and wrote about my life. Not many rants and raves there, because i suppose my life wasn't as interesting as a teen movie.
Anyway, I am trying to find a good painting community here so I can meet like minded people. I feel as thought I could be working on other things but I sometimes just find that gets me stressed out and all I want to do is drown myself in front of a canvas with mediums and working with ideas I sketched.
I just finished a painting this way which took me a while since i was thinking a lot about my career life last week. It is abstract and basically from my own inspired ideas which don't come along very often. Now I am working on a bigger canvas, yea!, but this will simply be black roses against a black canvas.
This is the only thing I really feel to drown myself in is painting roses, maybe it'll get be somewhere in the art world professionally who knows?
or hell i can always just dream or not even think about it and just enjoy the ride. Anyway here is a great link for drawing roses: http://www.drawingstep.com/how-to-draw-a-rose.html
since seeing this  site its been a piece of cake for me.
Anyway, thanks for reading. later!
About this Entry
tree, photograph, cell phone